Tips on How to Deal With Narcissistic Personalities

Relationships with narcissistic personalities can be extremely challenging due to their unpredictable and volatile nature. Their manipulative tactics, as well as their self-centered behaviors, will often leave loved ones feeling drained and utterly confused. However, when you begin to learn about the traits of narcissism and employ the right strategies, it can help you to set and maintain personal boundaries and, thus, safeguard yourself.

What is a narcissistic personality?

Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a severe personality disorder that is marked by an inflated self-importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, and a lack of empathy for other people’s feelings or needs. NPD is characterized by feelings of entitlement and inflated self-worth, combined with low self-esteem and sensitivity to rejection or criticism. They are manipulative, controlling personalities that seem to pay no heed to the feelings or needs of others in their environment. This can result in conflict and considerable interpersonal stress for both the person with NPD and their close associates.

The characteristics of narcissistic personality disorder

According to DSM-5, which is a standard manual that mental health workers use in identifying patients with mental disorders, there are specific diagnostic criteria for patients with NPD. These criteria include clusters of essential and characteristic abnormal behaviors, thoughts, and social dealings.

The following key characteristics, aligned with the DSM-5 criteria, are often exhibited by individuals with NPD:

• Grandiosity. This includes having an exaggerated belief in one’s abilities, accomplishments, and specialness. They always think that they are special, superior, and entitled to certain privileges.
• Need for admiration. An uncontrollable desire to seek approval from other people and to be the center of attention. They need constant reassurance from others and can lack purpose and self-worth if they don’t receive it.
• Lack of empathy. A profound inability either to empathize or to care about the feelings or needs of other people. They may dismiss, belittle, or simply have no regard for other people’s feelings.
• Entitlement. They consider themselves as superior beings who are entitled to get anything they want without ever giving anything in return.
• Exploitative behavior. Self-centered, choosing to reach their personal objectives by exploiting and deceiving individuals without any regard for the consequences.
• Arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes. They can often be rude, sarcastic, or even insulting to people they consider to be beneath them.
• Preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love. They have unrealistic expectations concerning their own accomplishments and interactions, frequently fantasizing about the ideal existence in which they are revered and celebrated.
• A belief that they are special and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions). They may seek out relationships with individuals or institutions that they perceive as equally exceptional while devaluing those they consider 'ordinary.'

These characteristics, when persistent and chronic, lead to substantial difficulties in maintaining interpersonal connections, causing significant personal and social distress and usually calling for an assessment and treatment by mental health professionals.

Causes and risk factors

The origin of narcissistic personality disorder is still not well understood, but researchers believe it stems from a combination of genetic, biological, and environmental factors. While genetics can often predispose individuals to certain personality traits, early life experiences are very important. Some of the early life encounters that can lead to the development of a narcissistic personality are overly critical or overly permissive parenting, neglect, or abuse.

Also, cultural patterns that emphasize individualism, competitiveness, and attitudes toward success may exacerbate these tendencies. Other possible risk factors are low self-esteem, a hypersensitivity to any form of criticism, and possible history of trauma. However, it should be pointed out that the presence of all these risk factors does not make it certain that NPD will develop, and further investigation is called for to fully understand the complex interplay of these factors.

Common traits of NPD

The typical behaviors and interaction patterns often observed in individuals with narcissistic personality disorder include:

• Embellishing their accomplishments and skills in order to make themselves look superior to others.
• They dominate conversations and are often overbearing when talking, steering the conversation to themselves and frequently interrupting others in the hope that they will remain the center of attention.
• Shift the blame onto other people for any mistakes that they might make and rarely take responsibility for their actions.
• Have difficulty handling rejection or failure and may respond by becoming aggressive or defamatory toward the source of rejection.
• They are highly manipulative and tend to use tactics, such as charm, gaslighting, and guilt-tripping, in order to control and gain what they want from others.
• Do not respect people's personal space or boundaries and feel that they should be given privileges without any regard for others.
• They tend to focus primarily on material things, appearances, and physical attractions rather than finding true love and companionship.

Essential strategies for dealing with a narcissist

Dealing with a narcissist can be a challenging and emotionally draining experience if you are not well-equipped. The following strategies can help you to protect your well-being and maintain healthier interactions.

Setting boundaries

Establishing healthy boundaries in any relationship is a fundamental necessity and is even more significant when dealing with a narcissist. By establishing a set of boundaries, you will be able to define what is acceptable and what you won't accept in your interactions, which will ultimately protect you from their highly manipulative tactics. It is not going to be easy to set proper limits, but it is imperative that you do so if you are to have a healthy relationship that will promote self-respect and personal development.

Communication strategies

If you are in a situation where you have to communicate with a narcissist, the best strategy is to stay calm and avoid emotional reactions that are likely to fuel their manipulation tactics. Avoid using a confrontational accusatory tone and instead use ‘I’ statements to explain how you feel and what you need. Using 'I' statements when communicating with a narcissist helps to de-escalate situations by reducing defensiveness and promoting understanding. For instance, instead of saying, "You never listen to a word I say," try something like, "I feel unheard when I'm interrupted." By expressing your own feelings and needs, you create a much less confrontational atmosphere.

Avoiding personalization

Remember that a narcissist behaves the way they do due to personal issues, such as low self-esteem and a distorted perception of reality. They may call you names, belittle you, or try to control you, but none of that is a reflection of your worth or value. When you refuse to internalize their negativity and begin to recognize that their destructive behaviors are driven by their own deep issues, it will safeguard your self-esteem and emotional well-being.

Being aware of manipulation tactics

It is common for narcissists to use emotional tactics such as guilt-tripping, gaslighting, playing the victim, or love bombing to dominate their targets. These strategies are designed to disorient you, make you doubt your sense of reality, and, ultimately, bend you to their will. This is why it is important to learn about these manipulative tactics and be able to identify them so that you can better protect yourself. Stay strong and stand firm in your boundaries, believe in your intuition, and do not let them play on your feelings or distort your perception of reality.

Finding support

When coping with a narcissist, it is essential to create a solid network of people around you. Make sure to be around friends or family or even a therapist who will listen to you, tell you that it is okay, and help you choose the right path. Telling people who you trust how you feel can be helpful in getting a different point of view and learning how to deal with it.

Educating yourself about narcissism

Education about narcissism can empower you with knowledge and understanding. Research the general characteristics, habits, and strategies of narcissists. This can assist you in recognizing potential signs, anticipating their behavior, and help you to respond in more effective and diverse ways.

Protecting your mental health

Living with a narcissist can be stressful and challenging to one’s mental and emotional health. Engage in leisure activities that help in the reduction of stress. Exercise regularly, take part in hobbies that you enjoy, and ensure you get enough sleep. If you find yourself suffering from a high level of distress, it is advisable to consult a professional.

Boosting your self-esteem

Manipulative people, particularly narcissists, seek to undermine your confidence and self-esteem because it makes you easier to control. In order to offset this, it is imperative to work toward developing and maintaining your self-esteem. Focus on your talents, recognize your achievements, and do things that make you happy and content. Be around people who will encourage you and respect you for the person you are and not for what you can do for them. It is also important to note that you are valuable and do not need the approval of a narcissist to be validated. Developing your self-esteem helps to shield you from their efforts to debase you and keep you submissive to their authority.

Seeking professional help

If you are experiencing difficulties in dealing with a narcissist or if you are emotionally affected by them, do not wait to consult a professional. A therapist who specializes in NPD can offer advice and tips on how to handle your interactions and how to prevent further abuse.

Can you help a narcissist?

The question of whether it is possible to help a narcissist is quite subjective and depends on many factors, including the desire of the narcissist to change for the better. It is unlikely that you can directly alter their personality disorder, but you can be helpful in case they are interested in the process of self-improvement. If you can make them feel comfortable enough to reflect on themselves, acknowledge their emotions, and provide nonjudgmental support, it is possible that you could assist them in facing their underlying problems.

However, it is crucial to note that you may not always be effective in your attempts — and that is perfectly acceptable. The most important thing is to always take care of yourself and establish personal boundaries during the ongoing process. If the narcissist is not ready to change or is not willing to go to therapy, it is crucial to disentangle yourself from them and take care of yourself. In the end, it is up to the narcissist to decide to change or not to change.

When should you make the decision to leave?

Deciding when you need to cut ties with a narcissist is one of the most challenging things to do, but your physical and mental health must come first.

Here are some signs that indicate it may be time to walk away:

• When the relationship is constantly draining you emotionally, making you anxious, depressed, or causing a decline in your self-esteem.
• If you feel that your actions, feelings, and needs are disregarded and belittled, and the relationship appears to be one-sided, it's a sign of an unhealthy dynamic.
• If you are constantly experiencing emotional abuse, gaslighting, verbal abuse, or other forms of abuse, it is time to focus on your safety.
• When the relationship is harming your physical or mental health, leading to stress-related illnesses or worsening of existing illnesses, then it is evident that the situation is toxic for you.
• When the narcissist restricts your access to friends and family, makes you dependent on them, and then removes all the support figures from your life — this is a clear sign that things are bad and getting worse.

Having a narcissist in your life and dealing with them is a daunting task, yet when you have the correct knowledge and develop effective coping strategies, it is possible to protect yourself from these extremely difficult relationships.

Remember that you are not responsible for the narcissist's behavior, but you are responsible for your own life and well-being. Talk to close friends and family members, gather as much information as possible about narcissism, and get assistance from a therapist if necessary. It is possible to free yourself from the narcissist’s control and reclaim your power and happiness.