The decision to lead a child-free life can often be met with criticism. Those who don’t understand it claim it’s selfish and that child-free adults will end up full of regret, but is that true? Find out what the latest research says about how not having children affects your mental health and well-being.
There are many reasons why people choose not to have children, such as not wanting to, health or financial concerns, advanced age, not having a partner, or changes in the climate.
On social media, people are openly expressing the benefits of not having children, with DINK (Dual Income No Kids) hashtags going viral.
Whether you have children or not, your personal beliefs and ability to manage your emotions are some of the most important factors influencing your mental health.
8 reasons why people don't want kids
The birth rate has been steadily declining over the last decade. A 2021 Pew research survey highlighted eight key reasons why people are choosing to have fewer children:
- Just don’t want to - 56%
- Medical reasons - 19%
- Financial concerns - 17%
- No partner - 15%
- Age - 10%
- The state of the world - 9%
- Climate change - 5%
- Partner unwilling to have kids - 2%
The most common reason was simply not wanting to. The reasons given below are varied, but they demonstrate how difficult the decision to parent is. Understanding these motivations and developing compassion for another person's life choices are critical for fostering a society that values and supports individuality.
TikTok trend DINK
The increasing number of viral videos of adults discussing why it is great to be a DINK (Dual Income No Kids) demonstrates that family values are changing.
In general, society expects healthy adults with a steady income to have children. In the past, those who chose not to were often harshly criticized and pressured to have a family. While that still may be true now, people are openly fighting against this expectation in an attempt to pave the way for a new norm: conscious and individualized family planning.
The number of people who have had children solely because of social pressure is difficult to ascertain. After all, there’s a huge stigma associated with parents who regret having children. What is clear is that society is now opening up to a wide range of lifestyles that are outside of traditional social norms. Adults who have no desire to follow in their parent's footsteps are included.
Being child-free: Effects on mental health and well-being
The impact of being childless on your mental health is entirely dependent on your personal circumstances. For many, it brings a sense of relief and freedom. While some may harshly call it selfish, child-free individuals say it’s quite the opposite.
Childless adults frequently consider their options carefully and make their decisions with their future child in mind. Many don’t feel they have the capacity or a strong enough desire to handle the stressors that come with raising children. Those who grew up witnessing their parents' struggles often take extra care in making their decisions, hoping to avoid repeating generational trauma.
In the end, the effects on your mental health are entirely up to your personal needs, capabilities, and desires.
Benefits of not having kids
If you do not have children, you might appreciate the following potential benefits:
- Personal freedom and autonomy. We’re all aware that you’ll have less time for yourself if you have kids. For some, that’s a bigger problem than for others. Many people highly value their alone time, hobbies, travel, spontaneous living, or more time for their career.
- Financial stability. Raising kids has always been expensive, but for many, it’s becoming even more difficult to pay for child care and schooling. For those without the financial means, the costly pressures can strain relationships and mental health.
- Improved relationships. Raising children takes a considerable amount of emotional and physical effort. This exhaustion can lead to a decline in time or energy for personal relationships. For example, a meta-analysis showed parents losing marital satisfaction after having kids.
- Stable mental health. Some studies suggest that not having children can lead to lower levels of stress and anxiety. One study showed that over time, a mom’s mental health tended to drop below the levels of childless women.
- Environmental sustainability. As climate change and overpopulation are upon us, many are recognizing the benefit of putting less strain on our environment.
Disadvantages of not having kids
The decision not to have children does not have negative consequences for everyone. However, for some, it may be more difficult. For instance, people from countries with a strong cultural emphasis on having children (known as pronatalist countries) may find it more difficult to oppose the norms and criticisms. In many places, social pressure and the stigma of not having children remain high.
However, studies show that if you can develop emotional disengagement from pressure and self-differentiation, your ability to maintain your own beliefs, your life satisfaction, and your well-being can be higher than those of those who have children.
Finally, some people argue that one of the main reasons for having children is to have someone to care for them when they get older. They are concerned about who will support them as they grow older. Of course, having children does not guarantee that they will care for you in old age. Those who choose not to have children frequently save money for this purpose.
Does having or not having kids make you happier?
In the end, no one can tell you if you’ll be happier having kids—that's only something you can decide. It all depends on your desires, needs, support system, and medical and financial capacity to have children.
If you decide not to have kids, keep in mind the research showing that those who can maintain their personal beliefs despite social pressures often have higher levels of life satisfaction. Remember, the happiness of parents and the difference in life satisfaction with child-free people are all relative.
What are the benefits of a child-free life?
Benefits include more personal and financial freedom, potentially stronger romantic relationships, and less anxiety and stress.
What is the disadvantage of being child-free?
Disadvantages depend on many factors but could include managing social pressures, potential regret, or concerns about support in old age.
Will I be unhappy if I don't have children?
Happiness is an emotion that comes and goes in waves. General contentment with your life, however, is the aim. Whether or not you’ll be content childless depends entirely on your personal preferences, values, and life circumstances.
- Pew Research Center. Growing share of childless adults in U.S. don’t expect to ever have children.
- National Center for Health Statistics. CDC. Vital Statistics Rapid Release.
- Journal of Marriage and Family. Parenthood and Marital Satisfaction: A Meta-Analytic Review.
- Frontiers in Psychology. Transition to Parenthood and Marital Satisfaction: A Meta-Analysis.
- Journal of marriage and the family. Parenthood, Childlessness, and Well-Being: A Life Course Perspective.
- ournal of Affective Disorders Reports. The impact of motherhood on the course of women's psychological wellbeing.
- Journal of Family Issues. Childlessness and Mental Well-Being in a Global Context.
- The Family Journal. Measuring Differentiation of Self to Evaluate Subjective Well-Being in Women Who are Childfree by Choice.