How to Overcome the Dangers of Taking Things Too Personally

Do you find your feelings get crushed with even the mildest criticism? Is your sensitivity level so heightened that even the slightest negative feedback causes your mind to explode with self-criticism? These could be indicators that you are taking things too personally. While your sensitivity can be a testament to your caring and empathic nature, it can also come back to bite you when your mental health becomes affected.

In this article we will examine some of the reasons why you are taking things too seriously and offer effective strategies for regaining control, channeling your sensitivity into personal growth, and nurturing healthier relationships.

Understanding why we take things personally

At the core of this issue lies a tangled web of cognitive distortions. These distortions can warp our perception of reality and lead us to take things too personally. Two common distortions are personalization and mind-reading. Personalization is when we assume that everything is about us, even if there's no real evidence. An example would be if a friend cancels plans, you automatically think it is because you are boring company even though in reality it was an emergency they had to attend.

Mind-reading is when we interpret what others are thinking without any real basis for our assumptions. An example of mind-reading would be if you thought that a friend was ignoring you because they didn't respond to your text, even though they might be busy or their battery had died. These distortions can be fueled by a lack of self-esteem, where our own negative self-perception leads us to interpret neutral or unrelated events as personal attacks. It's like wearing tinted glasses that color everything we see with self-doubt and hypersensitivity.

Turn personal sensitivity into strength

Sensitivity is a beautiful human quality; it means that you are deeply attuned to the emotions and subtleties of the world around you. If you have been conditioned to believe that your sensitivity is a weakness, it's time to reframe that perspective. Sensitivity allows for a deeper understanding of others, promoting empathy, compassion, and healthy relationships.

However, throughout childhood, we naturally develop a set of defense mechanisms to shield ourselves from emotional hurt. These defense mechanisms, while initially serving a protective purpose, may not always serve us well in adulthood. By developing more productive defense mechanisms, such as establishing healthy boundaries, becoming aware of inner dialogue, and cultivating emotional resilience, we can better navigate the challenges that sensitivity can present. Through this process, we can transform our sensitivity from a potential source of vulnerability into a powerful tool for personal growth and well-being.

Signs that you are taking things too personally

Here are some signs to watch out for that may indicate you are interpreting situations in a more personal and sensitive way than necessary.

• Obsessing. You find yourself obsessing over what people say or do, trying to decipher hidden meanings or personal attacks, even when they may not be there.
• Hurting over small things. There is a tendency to feel hurt or offended by even the slightest criticism or perceived slights, often taking it as a personal attack on your character or worth.
• Seeking reassurance. Relying too much on others' opinions to validate your self-worth, seeking constant reassurance and approval to feel secure.
• Making assumptions. Interpreting situations as being about you, even when they have nothing to do with you. You assume negative outcomes or events are a reflection of your inadequacy or failure.
• Holding on. Finding it difficult to let go of past instances where you felt personally attacked or hurt, holding onto grudges and resentment for an extended period of time.
• Becoming defensive. Constructive feedback or criticism feels overwhelming and demoralizing, causing you to become defensive or discouraged.

5 strategies to overcome taking things too personally

There are practical ways to stop taking things personally in your relationships. By implementing the following five effective strategies, you can build healthier perspectives and develop more fulfilling connections with friends and loved ones.

Question your inner perfectionist

If you have a strong perfectionistic streak, try to work on shifting your mindset from striving for flawlessness to embracing a "good enough" mindset. Recognize that aiming for perfection in every aspect of life can be overwhelming and hinder your progress.

Embrace the idea that sometimes good enough is truly sufficient and allows for more realistic expectations and healthier self-acceptance. By adopting a good enough mindset, you can reduce unnecessary stress and enjoy the journey of personal growth and accomplishment.

Realize that it's not about you

Change your point of view and remember that people's actions and words usually say more about them than they do about you. Understand that everyone sees things differently based on their own experiences and emotions, so there's no need to internalize it as a personal attack.

Instead of taking it personally, recognize that their behavior or words are influenced by their own unique perspective. To put it in plain terms — what others say or do is their stuff, not yours.

Learn to tolerate distress

Build your emotional intelligence by developing the ability to handle uncomfortable emotions without immediately personalizing them as attacks. Learn to tolerate distressing feelings and navigate challenging situations with resilience. This is emotional maturity.

Practice self-soothing techniques like deep breathing, meditation, or engaging in activities that bring you joy and relaxation. Mental health apps are also an effective way to self-soothe, as they provide accessible therapeutic tools and promote emotional development. By cultivating distress tolerance, you can better manage difficult emotions and prevent them from triggering a personal reaction.

Recognize your triggers

Identify specific situations, words, or behaviors that tend to trigger your tendency to take things personally. Being aware of these triggers can help you respond more effectively. Use a journal to note any recurring patterns and consider what underlying beliefs or past experiences may contribute to your heightened sensitivity in those situations.

Be aware of negative thoughts and inner criticism

Develop an awareness of your negative thoughts and how they arise in your mind. Practice self-compassion and reframe self-critical thoughts into more balanced and rational perspectives. Develop an inner dialogue that supports your well-being and nurtures self-esteem.

These strategies, when practiced consistently, can help you develop a healthier mindset and reduce the tendency to take things personally in relationships. Remember that personal growth takes time and patience, and each step towards overcoming this pattern is a valuable one.