‘Frustrated With the Pain’: The Untold Challenges of Breast Pumping

Pumping breast milk can be a mentally, emotionally, and physically taxing experience for new parents.

When it comes to the challenges associated with pregnancy, giving birth, and breastfeeding, discussions are increasingly becoming more open and honest, allowing new mothers and parents to share their experiences and seek support when they need it.

But those who choose to pump, whether it be instead of breastfeeding or in conjunction with it, are frequently excluded from these discussions and left to figure out the often challenging process on their own — resulting in an experience that is at times isolating and frustrating.

In fact, a recent survey of 2,000 new moms from What to Expect found that most (64%) find some aspect of feeding a baby difficult. Nearly half of respondents, or 48%, said they struggled with pumping, and 47% said they found cleaning and preparing pump parts to be a challenge.

Breast pumping refers to using a manual, electric, or wearable pump to retrieve breast milk. Parents do it for a number of reasons: instead of breastfeeding, to increase milk supply, and to combine with breastfeeding to give the nursing parent more freedom and flexibility while allowing the non-nursing parent to participate in the feeding process.

“When my son was born, I had problems with breastfeeding him and later on, we discovered that he had his tongue tied,” Marinara Moura, a new mom who faced breastfeeding challenges, tells Healthnews. “The only way I found to keep giving him my milk was pumping.”

Reasons for pumping

As she switched to pumping, Moura began to research the practice. She soon discovered an entire community of mothers and parents who choose to exclusively pump — a group she didn’t know existed and one she says you won’t hear about unless you explicitly look for it.

That’s partially because of societal attitudes towards breastfeeding, says Rachel Goldberg, LMFT, a therapist who specializes in perinatal mental health. Breastfeeding is often seen as the only healthy option and many who don’t breastfeed face judgment and shame.

The international “breast is best” campaign, for example, has made many parents who don’t breastfeed feel inadequate. This is despite the fact that pumping allows the child to consume breast milk and is therefore technically just as beneficial.

Still, many new mothers view pumping as a second-best option, Goldberg says, especially if they can't breastfeed due to latching issues, pain, or the need to return to work.

“This can lead to feelings of self-blame and guilt or feeling they aren’t a ‘good enough mother,’” she explains.

However, pumping isn’t just a last resort for parents who can’t breastfeed — it’s a valid and popular choice for many parents.

In fact, Moura discovered that many not only pump to provide their babies milk while they’re at work or so they can sleep while their partner does the feeding — they also pump more than they need to so they can freeze it for later, allowing them to stock up quickly and stop pumping altogether as soon as possible.

Pain and lack of production

Regardless of the reason for pumping, it’s a choice that many make, though Moura says many aren’t prepared for the hurdles it often presents, one of which is pain.

As a first-time mother, you know nothing about this topic. You are very excited about it and think everything will work as perfectly as you expected. But the truth is that the first time you use a pump, it might hurt.

Moura

One common cause of pain is using the wrong flange size, she says. Pumps typically come in a regular size, and if you don’t know what size is right for you — which new parents often don’t — you might use the wrong fit and end up with pain or, even worse, affecting your milk supply or causing clogged milk ducts.

“In my case, I used the wrong flange size for more than two weeks, and I was very frustrated with all the pain and the low amount of milk I could collect,” Moura says.

Most people aren’t overproducers, Moura adds, so the average person might pump for 10 or 15 minutes and get no milk the first time they pump.

“This was very frustrating for me because I thought I didn’t have any milk and shouldn’t pump at all,” she says. “But the truth is that you must keep pumping because the suction movements give a signal to your brain that the baby needs milk, and your body should produce it.”

In those first days, she says, pumping is not about retrieving a lot of milk but about stimulating the nipple and milk production.

Choosing the right pump

Choosing the right flange size and right kind of pump is an integral part of having a successful pumping experience, Goldberg says, but there’s often a lack of information on what pump makes sense for different people.

To choose the right flange size, which is a plastic or silicone piece that fits over the nipple and forms a seal, it’s best to measure your nipple. To do this, use a regular measuring tape or nipple measuring tool to figure out the diameter of your nipple by measuring the widest part.

Don’t forget to measure both breasts, as some people need two different sizes. Once you have the diameter, you can add 0-3 mm to the nipple size to find the right flange size for you.

The right size should feel comfortable, allowing the nipple to fit into the flange tunnel without too little or too much extra space.

And when it comes to the type of pump, people often get the first choice pump that’s covered by insurance — but this may not be suitable for them or be inferior to other pumps.

“For example, a portable pump can offer immense benefits to a mom who intends to pump often,” Goldberg says. “Being tethered to an electrical outlet is incredibly limiting, especially when trying to manage other tasks. A solution is to research and invest in a well-reviewed portable pump before the baby arrives.”

A tight schedule

Another challenge nobody prepares you for, Moura says, is the tight schedule in the first weeks. Pumping, feeding, and cleaning all the supplies can be very tiring, and developing a schedule that works well isn’t always easy.

I felt I didn’t have time to be with my newborn because I was always pumping or cleaning the pump’s parts and bottles.

Moura

During the first 12 weeks, the amount of milk produced can feel unregulated, Goldberg explains, and trying to strike a balance of how much milk to pump, especially if coordinating with breastfeeding, can lead to anxiety. Some mothers or parents prefer to pump right after breastfeeding to increase milk supply, especially during the first eight to 12 weeks when establishing supply is crucial.

“However, this can be exhausting, and having a ton of support is essential to make that work,” she says.

Once milk supply regulates around 12 weeks, Goldberg says developing a consistent pumping schedule can help maintain supply and mental well-being. Regularly scheduled pumping sessions, rather than only pumping when feeling full, can optimize milk production and help you to feel in control over such a tedious task.

For long-term pumpers, she adds, about four sessions per day can yield good milk output and allow for uninterrupted sleep.

Moura’s calculator

As a result of her challenges with pumping as a new mother, when Moura returned to work at Omni Calculator, she decided to create a tool to help new parents with some of the same issues she faced.

“If I know the amount of milk I pump and the amount of milk my baby takes, I know exactly how many days I still have to pump,” she says. “And when I returned to work, this was one of the first ideas I gave for building a new calculator.”

The Exclusive Pumping Calculator is designed for parents who’ve designed to feed their child solely through pumping until their first birthday.

To use it, parents simply have to input their baby’s age, milk intake in a day, how much they usually pump, and when they want to feed their baby. The tool will then calculate the number of days or weeks you still have to pump to retrieve enough milk for the remaining period.

The tool also features information about how to pump, how to create a schedule, how to increase milk supply, and more.

“I believe this tool will not only help mothers find out how long they still have to pump but also clarify much of the information first-time moms need,” Moura says. “My goal here is to spread information about breastfeeding and pumping and encourage women to feed their babies while having a good experience in this journey that, sometimes, can be very hard.”

Other challenges

While practical, logistical issues are common when it comes to pumping, the practice can also cause other difficulties — including relationship issues.

Goldberg says relationship issues can arise when the nursing parent’s partner feels that pumping is unnecessary or takes time away from other activities, leaving the partner to care for the baby at potentially inconvenient times. This can pressure the nursing parent, who wants to do what they feel is right but also feels criticized by their partner or other outsiders, for spending too much time pumping. Finding ways to communicate about why it’s important can help alleviate some of the stress, Goldberg says.

“From the perspective of a therapist who comes across pumping related challenges often, new moms should know it is time-consuming, can be uncomfortable, and involves a learning curve,” Goldberg says.

Having that knowledge ahead of time can help reduce what often results in stress and anxiety over pumping, she says. Being prepared with a good pump and understanding that it will take time to establish a routine can also help manage expectations and reduce stress.

“Knowing when pumping is destroying a mom’s well-being and when it’s time to move on is also important,” she adds. “A mom who loses a part of herself because of the pressure she feels to pump is a mom who isn’t as present for herself or her baby.”