How To Tell If Someone Is Faking An Orgasm

As each person experiences orgasms differently, there is no exact way to determine if your partner is faking an orgasm. If you suspect your partner is faking an orgasm, it's best to inquire about what they find pleasurable during sex and incorporate that into the bedroom.

Key takeaways:
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    Many people fake orgasms, as there is societal pressure to end sex this way due to a lack of sex and relationship education.
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    There is no way to determine whether or not your partner is faking an orgasm. If you believe they are, ask about ways you can increase their pleasure rather than accusing them of faking it.
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    While orgasms can be an amazing experience, they are not needed to have pleasurable sex. There is a lot of pleasure and fun to be had during sex that doesn't require an orgasm at the end.

If you have been faking orgasms, there are several ways that you can end sex without having to fake it.

Why do people fake orgasms?

While anyone can fake an orgasm, most of the time, it's people with vaginas who feel compelled to do so, and this can happen for several reasons. The most common reason is the lack of sex and relationship education. As young people, most of us are not taught what sex and respectful relationships should look like and are forced to turn to pornography to fill in the gaps.

While pornography can act as an outlet for fantasy and enhance arousal and pleasure for solo and partnered sex, it's often not the best teacher, as it's not an accurate representation of real sex. Without critically analyzing pornography, many of us are led to believe that people with vaginas orgasm after vaginal penetration, which is not true. Studies have found that only around 18% of women can orgasm from penetration alone, with the remainder needing some form of clitoral stimulation to achieve a pleasurable orgasm.

However, if pornography is the only form of sex education, many people with penises are led to believe that their partner can orgasm through penetration alone, and many people with vaginas are led to believe that something is wrong with them if they can't. This creates societal pressure to orgasm from penetration and is why some people fake orgasms.

Would I know if my partner is faking an orgasm?

To put it simply, no. Each person experiences orgasms differently, and there's no particular way to tell if your partner is faking it. But trying to decipher whether your partner's orgasm is genuine or not isn't the best cause of action. Instead, focus on creating an environment where your partner feels safe, respected, and free to communicate their needs and desires both in the bedroom and out of it.

When having sex, communicate with your partner about what feels good to them and what doesn't. If your partner doesn't orgasm, that's fine. There is plenty of fun to be had during sex that doesn't require an orgasm at the end.

Can your partner tell if you are faking an orgasm?

While there is no specific predictor to tell if you are faking an orgasm, your partner could suspect that you are. If this is bothering you, and you feel safe to do so, consider having a conversation with your partner to discuss the reasons why you have been faking it.

First, reassure them by letting them know that you enjoy having sex with them and would like to keep on having sex with them in the future. Then let them know why you have been faking it, along with suggestions on certain acts or positions that could increase the likelihood of you orgasming.

Maybe you need a vibrator on your clitoris to orgasm, or perhaps you need oral sex. If you are unsure about what you need or have never orgasmed before, take the time to explore your body on your own and with your partner to find what feels pleasurable to you.

What do you do if you think your partner is faking it?

If you suspect your partner is faking it, it's best to have a conversation with them. But rather than accusing them of faking it, it's best to frame the discussion around pleasure, asking them what you can do to make sex more enjoyable and pleasurable for them.

Ways to end sex without an orgasm

While orgasms can be amazing, it's not practical for all sexual activity to end that way. Sometimes we're too tired, too hot or run out of time. Other times, we might not be able to orgasm or just not feel like having one.

Having expectations of an orgasm at every sexual encounter is impractical and sets us up to become fixated on the destination rather than the journey, which can lead to several sexual dysfunctions. We can still thoroughly enjoy the pleasures of sex without needing to orgasm.⁠

Simply ending sex is fine and completely normal, and there are some wonderful ways to initiate an ending rather than faking an orgasm. These include:

  • Letting your partner know that you are not going to orgasm but still had a lot of fun.
  • Telling your partner that you're almost ready to stop and checking in with them to see how they're doing.
  • Letting your partner know you had a really good time but are ready to stop.
  • Asking to cuddle or shower together.
  • Telling your partner what you liked and suggesting doing it again next time you have sex.
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